Last week, my friend got into a quarrel with her roommate. The roommate and her boyfriend proceeded to verbally abuse her and made racist comments and threats. This led to me staying over at my friend’s place for a week, as she was afraid for her safety in her own house. The whole week was spent figuring out how to deal with the situation and coming up with ways to tackle the issue.

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As a person who comes from an extremely privileged background (being upper caste, upper middle class back home), I am someone with a lot of unearned confidence. Back home in India, any and all confrontations could be dealt with by saying, “try your best, I’ll see what you can do,” because of a strong family and community, not to mention law enforcement backing me, the majority, up. To then suddenly realize how powerless one can be in situations like these when you do not have family around and aren’t sure about how receptive the cops will be – especially to a verbal threat and not a physical crime – is absolutely jarring. 

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Before I continue with this article, where I discuss how to deal with hate speech and hate crimes, I want to acknowledge that my disillusionment of how difficult and frustrating a situation like this is is also a privilege. I recognize that, unlike me, a lot of people are minorities in their own countries, and grow up to face these realities. Through the media, I know that a lot of black people have to have ‘a talk’ with their children about what it means to be black in a country like the United States or Canada. 

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However, as the Liberals prepare for a forecasted loss in the upcoming Canada elections, I think  there is going to be a significant rise in South Asian hate and how comfortable people feel expressing it. Having never received any such talk (I don’t think my parents have any clue about how to deal with such a thing either), I think much of the South Asian population will — unfortunately — resonate with my experience, which is what makes me write this article.

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In the week of living in fear, my friend and I started brainstorming about what to do. The first few solutions we thought of were — jokingly, and maybe for us a way of coping with the situation — getting a strong boyfriend to protect us, and getting strong ourselves…but these seemed pretty unrealistic in such little time. I admired the stubbornness of my friend, who refused to move out of her house when she was not the one at fault. However, often in escalated situations, this does not make sense, and one should  seek  a safe place to live, like a friend’s house or even the emergency housing provided by the Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Office (SVPRO). Although not a long term solution, ensuring personal safety always comes first.

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We also emailed the person’s employer to let them know about his aggressive behaviour. This is a basic step to ensure that the perpetuator is held accountable without going to the RCMP, which might be a tedious and unfriendly process. Recording incidents is also good, as the evidence helps you with taking further action, in case going to the cops becomes absolutely necessary. You should also ensure that any mutual friends that associate with the perpetuator after being informed about the incident are cut off. It is very common for mutual friends to victimize the person at fault, try to justify their actions, and reconcile…not only in racist situations. However, in the absence of a genuine heartfelt apology, it should be very clear that anyone supporting the perpetuator is themselves equally at fault.

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Lastly, while there are not a lot of tangible things that can be done, a preventive measure is to surround yourself with people from your community. They are often the ones most understanding of your situation and the ones who are willing to help. It can be challenging to find a space for this, but university clubs or religious places are good places to start. People feel way more comfortable attacking someone with no support, but a good backing (and more importantly, the perception of a strong support system) discourages people from such actions. Incidents like these can also be very mentally challenging, and a good support system can help you navigate through it.

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In conclusion, dealing with hate speech and hate crime is agitating and frustrating. While it is important to ensure personal safety, it is also necessary to make sure the perpetrator is held accountable and appropriate action is taken against them. Surrounding yourself with friends from your community can be reassuring in times like these.