Being unceremoniously chucked into university life after spending all summer away from the stress of classes, making friends, balancing work and school, and the general campus environment can feel frustrating and downright unfair. Homesickness piles up on top of the fear of adulthood, and the pressure of choosing a career looms large in the background of day-to-day life. There is also the frustrating expectation to fit in and find your people before it is too late. It is easy to feel as though everyone else around you is living out the ideal university experience while you float adrift on a life raft through a sea of unfamiliar faces.
Unfortunately, the challenges of university life are inescapable, along with the fear of growing up and the persistent yearning for home that I myself still feel. There is nothing I can change about those experiences. The only thing I can change is how I choose to handle them.
There was a time in which I chose to apply the same motto that I had been using since middle school to my post-secondary experience: “If I expect the worst-case scenario from everything, I will either be right when things do not turn out well or pleasantly surprised when they do.” It was a phone call with my boyfriend that made me consider that maybe it was time to give up my defeatist perspective. I recall explaining my thought process to him, after which I was met with a long pause, and then, “that’s horrible!”
He was right. This mindset of mine had infiltrated my daily life to such an extent that I started to feel contempt for everything UBCO related, all because I found myself expecting the worst out of every day. I realised that I did not particularly enjoy feeling so unhappy regarding my post-secondary life, but had no idea where to begin.
As it happens, the ability to engage in some self-improvement was before me all along. I can trace three significant habits in my life that have helped to chip away at my catastrophic attitude: gratitude, journaling, and allowing myself to expand my social circle.
I used to scoff at the idea of practising gratitude. To me, it always seemed to me to be a waste of time. However, I picked up this habit by accident when I started to get into film photography. Seeing my life through a lens has provided me with an opportunity to find spectacular beauty in the most mundane of scenes. This habit does not require a camera to take hold, though. Simply taking stock of tiny details that bring you pleasure can open up a world of uniquely wonderful things that you may take for granted. For me, images of cream in my morning tea, a flock of blackbirds sitting on a telephone line, and the patterns of shade on the ground cast by leaves as I walk across campus have been enough to provide a glimmer of light to moments of anxiety.
I have been keeping a somewhat regular journal since I was 15 years old, and being able to flip back and have physical proof of my own resilience is proof enough that I am highly capable of university living. Journal keeping does not have to look like a diary, either. It can look like keeping pressed flowers and writing about where you found them, drawing your surroundings, or writing poetry. It is entirely non-restrictive and has the potential to be incredibly fulfilling.
The final issue I have consistently struggled with at university has been my incredibly dry social life. I have no one to blame but myself for this, as I isolated myself during my first year out of contempt for the forced friendships that are common with the freshman experience. Not everyone you meet is going to be your best friend, which can be hard to grasp in moments of desperation. However, each interaction holds a sliver of potential in spite of how difficult and lonely making friends can be. Gradually making myself more and more available to others while simultaneously maintaining my friendships at home has greatly improved my mindset and general sense of wellbeing at university.
Naturally, what works for one person is not going to work for everyone, and thus, my experience is by no means the end-all be-all of finding optimism at university. Truthfully, I am still working through negative talk every day, as I have been for years and likely will be for years to come. However, the ways in which we experience the world are a reflection of ourselves. One of the beautiful things about language is that it has the power to shape the way we perceive our existence, so naturally internalised cynicism will eventually bare its teeth in external experiences.
Having hope for another year of school can be hard, but it is not impossible. It can help to remember that everyone on campus is in the same situation, too. University requires hard work and dedication alongside vulnerability. Opening up to yourself and others, while admittedly scary, goes a long way. In taking a moment to stop and reflect, acknowledge your fears, and connect with others, you will come to realise that you are not alone on your life raft after all.
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