Ladies and gentlemen, the age of the award show is finished. Please, let it die, please. At least then it would have the opportunity to rise from the ashes rather than remain the rotting zombie it is now.

At this point, the only thing that the award shows do is identify great movies that might go unnoticed in this blockbuster age that we live in.

Awards shows have become rich people giving awards to other rich people so that they can get richer, and then they all pat themselves on the back for being part of the great machine that is Hollywood. The same machine that, not so long ago, spit out Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein amongst many others. Remember Kevin Spacey? 2 years ago he was in with the Awards show crew, palling around with everyone, despite his illicit activities being widely known throughout the industry (except Ryan Reynolds, may that man’s soul be forever innocent). And now? Everything is out in the open, and everyone pretends like he never existed.

I’m tired of the same old formula over and over again. The host makes a few jokes for 10 minutes at the expense of the most popular actors, and then you don’t see them crack a bad joke every 10 minutes when presenting the presenters. I’m tired of presenters staring at teleprompters giving bored awards presentations. From the beautiful mouth of the more beautiful Matt Stone, “This is Hollywood man, let’s rock!” I want to see some creativity from the people getting awards for being creative.

The recent Golden Globes had their hosts fall flat, and their top movies were quite a boring bunch.

Bohemian Rhapsody was seriously the best movie of last year? What about Paddington 2? Give that bear an award. I haven’t felt that good leaving a movie theatre since I watched Paddington. Bohemian Rhapsody made me feel about as good as my last trip to the dentist.

Let’s talk about the Oscars. The Oscars are changing it up by having no host, stripping away awards to shorten time, and adding a Best Popular Picture category. Now, changes are fine - surprising, but fine.

Though of course, I have some critiques. First of all, the hosts were the only thing that gave the show any personality. Now, all we get are bored celebrities waiting to leave and get drunk, reading empty words to an audience that doesn’t care. In other words, a repeat of my high school graduation ceremony.

Second of all, the length of the program isn’t the problem. It’s the ads that keep interrupting the broadcast every 5 minutes. I feel bad when a person who’s life’s work is finally getting rewarded gets interrupted by Temptations ™ when the cat torpedoes through the wall.
Last of all, winning Best Popular Picture before Best Picture is like getting a participation ribbon after running a race and coming last. It’s a pity award given out to make the people watching happier for their little champion who gets something to put in their trophy case.

I won’t even discuss the Grammy’s. I would have to receive a sufficient cash bribe to write about them, one which I can guarantee my employers can’t afford.

Award shows should celebrate the art and creativeness by making sure that they match the level of creativity that they are rewarding.

The art should be the focus of the show, not politics, popularity or economy, unless it’s directly relevant. I want to see award shows to highlight the beauty that these different forms of entertainment offer, and seek to educate the public on the many roles that are integral to making these ideas a reality. Right now, I the achievement behind these awards isn’t properly paid homage to, or regarded with the respect it deserves. My heart strings don’t feel the right chord. I just feel bored.